Your distant cousin goes to a water fountain (about 20 yards away. Suddenly, you notice his head is turning red.)

You : Feeling all right there?
YDC : No. I feel like...
(Boom)

     Sadly, your distant cousin explodes in a ball of raging flame. Why? Spontaneous combustion.
     Do people you know spontaneously combust? Do your teachers just suddenly explode for no reason, leaving you nothing else to say but "I guess this means we can leave now"? Did you know how badly you can be injured if somebody's arm smacks you over the head after flying off that somebody's body? Really badly, I'd warrant.
     "What can I do about this?", you might be thinking.
     "How can I detect spontaneous combustion?" The answer is quite simple, friends. The answer is... The Early Warning System Proudly Presents A Device Crafted In Some Small University By A Bunch Of Undergraduates Who One Day Didn't Have Class And Were Bored To Death And So They Just Decided To Make This Silly Device Which Detects When Someone Is About To Spontaneously Combust, or the TEWSPPADCISSUBABOUWODDHCAWBTDASTJDTMTSDWDWSIATSC, pronounced "Tic" (Note a few silent letters). What does this amazing machine do? This small little device, when pointed at a friend/cousin/random whore who is about to spontaneously combust will ring a bell, and then say (In English) "Warning. The person you pointed to is about to spontaneously combust. Watch out for flying limbs. You have approximately ten seconds before the explosion."
     So get your "Tic" today and remember,
     "Any of your friends might suddenly burst
     Take out the "TIC" and be prepared for the worst!"

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